Longings Fulfilled {and eat a snack!}

Mike said something really stupid to me last night, and per usual, he didn't even notice how it would affect me. He told me that for Christmas, I could pick an area of our house to renovate. What an idiot. What a kind, thoughtful, very generous, idiot.

A. I am on a Spending Fast (STILL, yes it is happening) doesn't he know what kind of tail-spin he was sending me into?

B. Does an entire floor of our house count as "an area?" (see how ungrateful I am becoming, so quickly?!)

Thanks to Pinterest, I had three billion projects saved to "my boards" (a tricky way of keeping track of all the things you will never accomplish) and since Mike opened Pandora's Box last night, I literally barely slept as I thumbed through crisp, white images on my phone.

Decorating is my jam, but you might not think that if you saw my house! Is anyone with me on this one? My house is not a reflection of my taste, nor my style. It is basically 2,000 (or something, I have no idea how to measure) square feet (???) full of donations dressed up with chalk paint and Target knick-knacks. So throughout the day, I see things and have this struggle:

I think, "that is ugly, I want to change it"
...followed quickly by the thought, "you should be grateful, 99% of the world would love to have that outdated XYZ."

God has protected me from indulging my inner voice by choosing for me a husband who does not give an ISH. Mike could live in a RV for the rest of his life as long as there was red meat in the fridge, a TV with HD channels (this was discovered to be a critical thing to him this past week when I incorrectly ordered cable THREE DIFFERENT times) and a closet full of hunting gear. He is a simple man who sees decorating as frivolous--  I am constantly faced with the question, "Do we NEED that?" whenever I'd like to purchase something for the house. I can actually hear him in my head saying that exact thing if I even pick up a vase at Homegoods. That phrase stalks me up and down the aisles of every store I go into.

Today I kept contemplating what this mystery project would be and tried to nail down my fanciful (and EXPENSIVE) tastes in choosing what area of our house we would re-do. My kids have turned into excellent sleepers and eaters of late showing hibernation type behavior just like their mama-- I have been walking around every day singing the song from the Weight Watchers commercial with a ricecake/apple/toast covered in Nutella humming, "If you're happy and you know it-- eat a snack! If you're bored and you know it-- eat a snack! If you're human eat your feelings-- eat a snack!" Mike and I heard this commercial and could not stop laughing because it is me, all day long! I feel all these feelings every 5 minutes or so, and need a snack!

*Please note the mom in the mini-van shoving french fries into her mouth while her kids run around in the background, a truer thing I never saw!*

God saved me from myself this afternoon during the aforementioned nap time when I sat down with my Bible (and a snack!) and a little devotional book someone gave me. I journaled for a while about all of my CRAZY and then opened the book to read this phrase:

"[...] I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread but also for fulfillment of deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power."
-Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

So I asked myself, what are my longings, REALLY, what are they? Because they must go beyond having a herringbone tiled shower and board and battened hallways. Oh please, let those longings be indicators of something deeper-- but if you need a picture of what I'm talking about, I'll indulge your interest:

Source: Smitten Studio

Source: Young House Love

God created me to long for, and to love beautiful things.

What gives me more beauty and hope and stability than the love of Jesus? After experiencing many material and physical things in my life, I can say with genuine honesty, nothing has fulfilled me more than the knowledge and love of Jesus. He is my acceptance and my home.

I am grateful for the glimpses of I have of those things in this present life, but know deep down they are just a dim reflection of what is to come in the next.

And the project, sheesh! What would you do if your husband said you were free to design and fix up one area of your home? Any decorators want to come over and help me?

5 comments:

  1. Have you heard anything about this book: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-nesting-place-myquillyn-smith/1117445656?ean=9780310337911 I came across it recently, and after reading your blog post it came to mind! I haven't read it yet, but it looks like it might be up your ally (no pun intended, haha) :).

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    1. Love Myquillyn's book! Definitely recommend it to everyone :)

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  2. Can we be SAHM friends? 😆 we are too much alike!!

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  3. I pretty much recounted this whole blog post to Craig from memory, it was so funny and perfect. And the part about Mike was so Craig- but replace the hunting gear with disc golf junk- errr, gear.

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  4. Thanks for your raw honesty. I can relate to so much of what you share. What an awesome gift from your husband! I look forward to hearing what you decide:) I totally pick up what you're throwing down...my style isn't really reflected in my home. Apparently my taste is expensive...haha!

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