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How Over-Spending Affects our Marriage Part I

My dear friend Brittany and I were sitting in my kitchen one day, laughing about our love for shopping, our
recent marriages, and our anxiety when our husbands' quiz us on our credit card purchases. (Sidenote: When Hubby sits me down to ask me about the credit card statement, I handle it in one of two ways:
1. I remove myself as quickly as possible: "I hear a baby crying," "I have to poop," "I forgot to tell you I am on my way out the door for something we urgently need or we will all die."
2. I ask him to go over it with me in the kitchen so I can finish making him the potato skins/nachos/something-wrapped-in-bacon I was just in the middle of whipping up.)
Anyways, Brittany told me this story about her friend, and I think about it often. Every since this gal- we'll call her Shelia- and her husband got married, Shelia had done the grocery shopping. And Shelia's husband must not have asked many questions, or perhaps had never bought any groceries himself, because Shelia purchased a $50 Nordstrom's gift card for herself every time she grocery shopped. Now we all know how this works, it's genius really, because when you purchase a different merchant's gift card from that display of cards near the check-out at the store, it all goes on the grocery bill. So Shelia's husband just thought groceries always cost their family $X...And he was none the wiser that she built up quite the shopping fund to spend when Nordstrom's Anniversary Sale rolled around each July. Brilliant! And also, very sneaky.


One of the reasons it was easy for me to decide to do this spending fast was all the ways I knew it would benefit my marriage. Hubby and I talk about money often. There are a few major aspect of how we relate to each other and our spending that we are starting to work on.

1. Deceit verses Honesty.




When we were first married, I worked at Von Maur. I shopped almost every day. It became second nature to leave my shopping bags in the car when I got home from work. I didn't feel like I was lying, it just felt easier than answering questions. It also didn't seem sneaky to store them under the bed in the guest room.

Now that we share credit cards (we pay them off in full each month, but are thinking about doing away with them all together... more on that to come) we hold one another accountable. There is a level of trust, and we don't grill each other on every purchase but if someone gets out of hand we can talk about it without making anyone feel guilty... because we both know we make mistakes.

2. Selfishness verses Generosity.


One trap we have fallen into in our marriage is trying to match each other's spending. For instance, if Hubby has purchased something expensive for hunting (the black hole of all hobbies), then I feel justified to purchase something equally expensive for myself. This leads to the inevitable argument that of course it's alright that I bought that ridiculously expensive pair of heels because you bought a new fishing pole... and it's okay that I buy lattes because you buy Gatorade... and it's okay that I bought a new sectional because you bought a new gun safe... and it can go on, and on, and on.

We have decided to become a team in our spending. I don't understand his obsession with all things hunting/hockey/ruining work boots and he doesn't understand my obsession with all things decorating/Whole Foods/clothes I see on Pinterest. So let's agree to disagree but also to move on and stop fighting over who gets to be the most selfish each month (he recently told me he is doing the spending fast too).

We are looking at ways we can be more generous. I have so much to say on this, I don't even know where to start. But it breaks my heart the billions of basic, human needs that go unmet every day. If we can give up a little to give to people who need it, done, done and done. I'm sure you feel the same way too. Not everyone needs to do a spending fast though, this is just where we're at.

There is a time for fast and a time for feast, and in the Van Iten household we have been feasting for far too long.

3. Anxiety verses Joy.



There is a lot of struggle to be found in marriage. Having kids has brought us closer together in ways I never thought possible. But it has also dramatically exposed our differences and the learning curve came sharp and quick. We struggle to spend time together, real quality time, and when we do, I don't want it to be spent arguing about money.

Also, I don't know about you, but I feel a great deal of anxiety when I spend more than I should. There are lots of reasons that is, but one is that I respect my husband and how hard he works to provide for us. I remember a little old lady shopping in my department when I worked retail, she passed up buying an expensive blouse saying, "No, my husband works too hard for me to spend money on that." Yikes. That is super convicting.

I want our money to bring us joy as a couple, not to be something we're enslaved to. Sometimes it seems like we give life to our money, letting it dictate what we do and don't do. We want to be able to enjoy life, one another, and what God has given us.

So I hope that if you're single, you can glean something from this (buy lots of things before you get married and someone makes you stop ;) and if you're married I would love to hear things that have helped you! We are definitely at the beginning of this journey and can use all the love and support we can get...

24 comments:

  1. I enjoyed reading your Blog. What caught my eye was your profile saying you are an ex Hoarder. I find most people are hoarders, and I always felt different. About five years ago I read an article about minimalism and after reading declared "I am a minimalist". As I look back on my life I always unknowingly practiced minimalism.
    Minimalisn means different things to each of us, but it has worked for me. My home has spacious closets and rooms, easy to keep clean, we have excellent health, very productive, have more free time, more money, and are a good example for your kids.
    Keep up the good work. This is my favorite quote and words to live by: "The secret to happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more but in developing the capacity to enjoy less" ~Socrates

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. my name is scotte jarck,i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex wife. After 5 years in marriage with 2 kids ,she suddenly started going out with other woman and coming home late, and each time i confront her about this it turns out to be fight, she even threatened to kill me severally,I was emotionally devastated because i was not sure of what to do to make her love me again, I tried all i could to make her love me again,but all proved abortive until i saw a post on the internet on how a spell caster DR.porosky helps people restore back their broken relationship/marriage at first i doubted this but decided to give a try, when i contacted DR porosky via email he helped me cast a re-union spell and within 48hours my sister called me on phone that she will like to see me urgently,to my surprise when i got to my sister house,i met my woman there,i was like what is going on here,and my wife went on her knees and was crying saying i'm so sorry honey..,today we are happily together again. Contact this great spell caster DR.porosky on your marriage and relationship problems via email: drporoskysolutioncentre@gmail.com

      Delete

    2. my name is scotte jarck,i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex wife. After 5 years in marriage with 2 kids ,she suddenly started going out with other woman and coming home late, and each time i confront her about this it turns out to be fight, she even threatened to kill me severally,I was emotionally devastated because i was not sure of what to do to make her love me again, I tried all i could to make her love me again,but all proved abortive until i saw a post on the internet on how a spell caster DR.porosky helps people restore back their broken relationship/marriage at first i doubted this but decided to give a try, when i contacted DR porosky via email he helped me cast a re-union spell and within 48hours my sister called me on phone that she will like to see me urgently,to my surprise when i got to my sister house,i met my woman there,i was like what is going on here,and my wife went on her knees and was crying saying i'm so sorry honey..,today we are happily together again. Contact this great spell caster DR.porosky on your marriage and relationship problems via email: drporoskysolutioncentre@gmail.com

      Delete
  2. Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. I desperately need to go on a spending fast as well.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ally, it's been way too long, hope you're doing well! So proud of you for spilling all your business on here, that takes guts! I was just telling Tyler the other day how hard it is to get boys(Andy) to understand how much it costs to be a girl. I have been 100% honest with him but it's definitely still hard to explain why it costs triple for basically any product or service I get and it does make me feel a little guilty. It's a work in progress at this point.... Looking forward to following your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained you my problem. In just 24hours, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before dr olori you are the best spell caster i really appreciate the love spell you casted for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again dr olori at drolorispelltemple@outlook.com incase you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: drolorispelltemple@outlook.com. CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: drolorispelltemple@outlook.com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL .


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  5. i give thanks to jai mother sunlight for her great concern over me and my household. she really indeed has been a pillar to my family. i thank you so much for ending the sufferings in my home. my husband wanted to divorce me thinking i am the cause of his problems that he contacted a spell caster and they told him that i am the cause of his darkest moments. i am really happy to share how you bless us unexpectedly even more than we could ever acquired if we were to work for it i thank you mother. for this what you did, if i should give you money, it is not enough..so i praise great jai mata sunlight...... readers my name is kaur middy milas. and i'm residing in texas. on the internet, you will see lots of comments about bringing your ex back. many of them are not real. they will scam you, deceive you and they go for your money. i contact three different spell casters all says different to me. i formed victim for two and the other threatening to kill me if i don't send him money. but when i came to jai sunlight first she advise i applied it's works then i mailed back and tell her the situation is then she said we should use lovespell i obeyed i didn't mind i contacted before but i ended miserably i just believe jai mata sunlight because anytime she talks to me i feel like i am talking to my biological mother. she is really a goddess and a loving mother. if you need help about getting your ex back or maybe other problems you might have while not contact jai mata sunlight? via sunlightmata@gmail.com and expect a perfect change in your life. with lots of testimonies and blessings.

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  6. Thanks to this great man, the great DR. who help me with my marriege problem.I have been trying to get married since the past 4 years i was unable to have a man of my own till my friend told me about this great man who helped her on the same issue so she gave me this great man's phone number and his email so that was how i contacted this great man and he helped me out with my problem within 14 days i was engage i will forever be grateful to this great man because my marriage is next month and if you have any problem contact him on his direct email drisaachelpcenter@gmail.com

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  8. DR TRUST WEBSITE: https://ultimatespellcast9.wixsite.com/dr-trust


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    ReplyDelete
  9. I WANT AN URGENT LOVE SPELL:CONTACT DR TRUST THROUGH HIS WEBSITE: https://ultimatespellcast9.wixsite.com/dr-trust

    Sincerely i was so crushed when my Husband of 8 years left me and moved to Quebec City to be with another woman.The pains was just too much for me to bear that I couldn't just bear it anymore. So i had to reached out to the Internet for help until i found out that Dr. Trust was the real deal.. I had tried the whole lot I knew, and with your spells, blessings and extraordinary magical powers, you did all the work for me, which you have guaranteed me positive result in 48 hours, my Ex Husband came back to me and he was remorseful for the whole lot he has done And now my life is balanced and i am happy again. Dr. Trust you do a great service to people. Friends in case you need the help of Dr.Trust kindly mail him on Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call +2348156885231. website https://ultimatespellcast9.wixsite.com/dr-trust Sir, i will forever recommend you all over the world. Regina Lee from Canada

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  10. My name is Doris melody am from USA, After 15 years relationship with my Husband, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship.But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster and i contact him and explain my problems to him.He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 2 day, my Husband came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 1 years with. Ever since Dr.Aluebor helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship and any kind of problem okay his email<Alueborhomeofsolution@gmail.com
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  12. Hey guys, How i Got My Ex-boyfriend Back Fast, Dr.Unity love spell casting really worked!
    My boyfriend broke up with me, its been (3days) now. We ve been dating for 4 years now. Through this years we have had a really good relationship it was serious and we really wanted to be with each other forever. Of course we had arguments but nothing too bad. I know that these past 3 months I have taken him for granted thinking he would always be there but was wrong. he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship that he wanted to take time with himself. But he was still kissin me and hugging me and telling me that he will always love me and I hold a special place in his heart. I realized that right before he done this that I needed to get my act together but I guess was too late. I really love this guy there is something different about him he is the love of my life and I wanted us to have a better relationship then ever,and I wouldn’t ever take him for granted ever again I really do want to marry this guy and he wanted that too but i don't know how to get him back with out being clingy and desperate. Obviously he needed his space because he cheated on me and this time I really need help to bring him back and marry me, one day i was searching online and i saw a good testimony of how Dr Unity a real Great spell caster help to restored back broken marriage, getting ex back, fix broken relationship. so i copy his email via Unityspelltemple@gmail.com and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 28 hours later,( James) my boyfriend who broke up with me gave me a call to apology and feel so sorry for ever breaking my heart, my boyfriend is back with the help of Dr Unity the real spell caster(All thanks to Dr Unity)If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
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    Jessica Wanda, 24 years, NY, USA.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey guys, How i Got My Ex-boyfriend Back Fast, Dr.Unity love spell casting really worked!
    My boyfriend broke up with me, its been (3days) now. We ve been dating for 4 years now. Through this years we have had a really good relationship it was serious and we really wanted to be with each other forever. Of course we had arguments but nothing too bad. I know that these past 3 months I have taken him for granted thinking he would always be there but was wrong. he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship that he wanted to take time with himself. But he was still kissin me and hugging me and telling me that he will always love me and I hold a special place in his heart. I realized that right before he done this that I needed to get my act together but I guess was too late. I really love this guy there is something different about him he is the love of my life and I wanted us to have a better relationship then ever,and I wouldn’t ever take him for granted ever again I really do want to marry this guy and he wanted that too but i don't know how to get him back with out being clingy and desperate. Obviously he needed his space because he cheated on me and this time I really need help to bring him back and marry me, one day i was searching online and i saw a good testimony of how Dr Unity a real Great spell caster help to restored back broken marriage, getting ex back, fix broken relationship. so i copy his email via Unityspelltemple@gmail.com and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 28 hours later,( James) my boyfriend who broke up with me gave me a call to apology and feel so sorry for ever breaking my heart, my boyfriend is back with the help of Dr Unity the real spell caster(All thanks to Dr Unity)If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
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    ReplyDelete
  14. Hello every one out here....
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    ReplyDelete
  15. Hello I am Felix ,I am from Montreal Canada i am out here to spread this good news to the entire globe on how I got my ex lover girlfriend back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another man over two years, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to a spell caster Dr odudu the great messenger to the oracle of odudu that he serves VIA: oduduspell@gmail.com I narrated my problem to Dr about how my ex lover left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was done,in less than 48 hours,My love jane called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and she came in search of me we reconciled for good it was like a dream to me, after 5 days ,I was called for an interview in my desired company where i submitted application over one year for work as a supervisor..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire globe to contact Dr odudu at the following email address and get all your problem solved..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him via: oduduspell@gmail.com or call +2348051913076 and get your problems solved like me.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hello every body am here to testify about what Dr odudu has done in my life, i married for 7 years no issues and i cried every day of my life when i see kids playing around their parents, and at the same time i was having issues with my husband. my husband break up with me because i could not give him a child, when i contact Dr odudu he make me understand that is going to get it solve for me in a short period of time. Dr odudu does some thing that amaze me by causing problem between my husband and his girl friend which lead to total break up and after that my husband came back home. and before my husband came back home Dr odudu cast breaking of bareness in my life immediately my husband came back home we meet as husband and wife that is how i get pregnant and i give birth to a bouncing baby boy. since them me and my husband are leaving a happy life. contact Dr odudu on oduduspell@gmail.com or call +2348051913076 or wasap the same number immediately and you will get urgent reply from him. if you want your happiness back or you are having relationship issues the door is open contact him now for your happiness to be restored back to you.
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    am Mabel Zonee from USA

    ReplyDelete
  17. I feel so blessed again in my marriage after Doctor Oku brought back my husband that separated with me for good 3 mounths. Am Jessica Butler by name from USA. Even though i have mouths all over my body, it won't be enough to thank Doctor Oku for his help upon my life. My husband separated with me for the 3 months and have been in pains and agony without him. So, i searched for help everywhere but nothing worked out not until i meant Doctor Oku who i contacted online. I explained my situation to him and he promised that my husband will get back to me within 24 to 48 hours as far that my heart still beats for him. I believed in him and he prepared a spell for me and my husband called me exactly when Doctor Oku said. He pleaded and said he needs me back and now we are living happily again for the past 9 months. Everyone out there reading my article that needs help should contact him. Email: okutemple@gmail.com or add him on whasapp +2347053113465

    ReplyDelete
  18. I feel so blessed again in my marriage after Doctor Oku brought back my husband that separated with me for good 3 mounths. Am Jessica Butler by name from USA. Even though i have mouths all over my body, it won't be enough to thank Doctor Oku for his help upon my life. My husband separated with me for the 3 months and have been in pains and agony without him. So, i searched for help everywhere but nothing worked out not until i meant Doctor Oku who i contacted online. I explained my situation to him and he promised that my husband will get back to me within 24 to 48 hours as far that my heart still beats for him. I believed in him and he prepared a spell for me and my husband called me exactly when Doctor Oku said. He pleaded and said he needs me back and now we are living happily again for the past 9 months. Everyone out there reading my article that needs help should contact him. Email: okutemple@gmail.com or add him on whasapp +2347053113465

    ReplyDelete
  19. My name is Alicia,from UK.I contacted Mr. Femi okuns, after wasting time on other so called witches & spell-casters. I spent thousands of dollars with no results. Up to the point where I contacted via email: homeofspells.247@gmail.com I had No contact with my lost love,my husband whom he helped to bring back to me permanently.I realized Dr was special, because,the day and moment i sent our details,He asked me to call my husband, after two months of No contact at all.from that point,everything changed,now my husband is back to me.
    Mr. Femi has since cast 3 different spells for my friends and all are working fine.the days whilst he is performing the spells, He is there, as he says on his site 24/7. I live in the UK, and the time difference makes it difficult to keep in touch within reasonable hours, but he is always willing to listen and cast spells.
    I am confident that the results you wish for will manifest when you contact Mr. Femi okuns,via email: homeofspells.247@gmail.com . I want to share my testimony he is more than a wizard, he is a friend, mentor and spiritual spell-caster

    ReplyDelete
  20. Are you suffering in your marriage or relationship and you need help urgently to solve your long awaited marriage problems contact Dr. ikhine spell through email agbadado@gmail.com for your help now also call/WhatsApp +2348056932230 for quick response

    ReplyDelete

  21. HE IS SPECIALIZE IN THE THE FOLLOWING SPELL.

    (1) If you want your ex back.
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    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) If you want to be rich.
    (7) If you want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.
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    (15) Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart.
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    once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. his email address is (papalspelltemple@gmail.com) contact him immediately

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  22. I am Lord Ogbomola the high chief of Ogbomola palace, am a great herbalist and powerful spell caster with the great powers to get ex back, make people love you, win cases, get attracted to someone, get financial help and so many others.
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